Table of Content
The truth about negative energy
What do you think “negative energy” is? Where does it come from? Is it from dealing with infuriating, tactless people? The frustration of being dismissed or belittled? The self-blame that comes from constantly failing at tasks? Or the feeling of inadequacy, believing you’re not good enough for others? All these experiences can lead to negative, painful emotions—these are common triggers of negative energy we encounter daily, right? But can you really distinguish negative energy? Do you truly understand where sadness or anger originates?
Maybe it’s simply because you don’t understand the reciprocal nature of relationships or the circumstances reflected by the environment as a whole, which is why you feel anger and injustice about your experiences.
What is the reciprocal nature of relationships between people? Let’s use the workplace as an example.
The reciprocal relationship between an employee and a boss is this: the boss pays the employee a salary, and the employee provides their effort in return. The balance lies in the boss offering a “corresponding” salary, while the employee delivers an “equivalent” level of work. So, when the salary doesn’t match the effort you put in, you become unhappy, right? This is the source of negative energy, and understanding this source means understanding the reciprocal nature of relationships.
What about understanding the environment? If you believe your boss cannot provide an equivalent salary, you can choose to move to a company that offers a fairer compensation. If you make this move and succeed in finding a better company, will you still feel negative energy? Perhaps not for a while—until you gain experience and start feeling exploited again. On the other hand, if you’re unable to find a better opportunity, you may either accept the situation or work even harder to improve yourself and break through the status quo.
Tolerance vs. Perspective
I think everyone is tired of hearing others say, “You need to have a bigger perspective and be more tolerant,” but why should I tolerate those who put me at a disadvantage? In reality, tolerance doesn’t solve problems. Being tolerant doesn’t mean having vision; it often just means fooling yourself into thinking you’re being patient. True vision is about having a broad perspective. As in the previous example, when you can understand the larger environment and recognize your position within it, you might find it easier to adapt—or if you have enough confidence and strength in that environment, why endure it? Upgrade yourself instead.
Therefore, when you choose to waste time fighting against those who look down on you or whom you dislike, it shows that you’re focused solely on them. As a result, you’ll never realize the concept that “if I just improve myself, I can move beyond these people.”
You must understand the source of your negative emotions and recognize the role you play in your environment. Only by broadening your perspective can you see the root of the problem and address it. Wanting to fix problematic people indicates that your vision is still limited. When you elevate your level, will you still consider their words meaningful? You might simply perceive it as barking—so why be bothered by it?
Redefining Inferiority
Loneliness is frightening. It seems like we spend our entire lives seeking others’ approval to prove we are not alone, as if we need to show that our lives are fulfilling and perfect just to say, "Look how great I am!"
The reason people seek validation is rooted in "inferiority." However, inferiority shouldn’t be stigmatized; everyone experiences it. It’s something each person uses as a driving force to move forward, step by step.
Feeling inferior simply means you recognize your small role in the environment, reflecting your self-assessment. This suggests you understand reality, right? Not necessarily, as many people prefer to deceive themselves. Similar to the previous idea, many people spend time seeking attention and approval from insignificant others to prove they’re not inferior. But unless you’re an entertainer or influencer, why bother? The reason is simple: they can't distinguish between who matters and who doesn't. As humans, we are social beings and rely on "acceptance" to survive, which is natural. But who really needs to accept you? Only those who matter to you—perhaps your parents, close friends, partner, or even your children. These are the ones whose recognition truly fuels your motivation.
Do not underestimate those who chase their dreams; they strive to prove themselves for the approval of those who truly matter. This means they are focused, and that sense of inferiority isn’t a negative emotion but a source of strength.
Are you interested in learning about the mindset, methods, and strategies for negotiation and communication?
Further Reading :《Want to Be the King of Arguments? Principles and Mindset of Negotiation》
Regarding emotional blackmail
Many people love to emotionally manipulate others, and it seems hard to find someone who truly offers emotional value. But it’s not that difficult; we first need to understand why we fall victim to emotional manipulation and why some people can provide emotional value. Many say that those who manipulate others emotionally do so out of inferiority. However, I must emphasize that inferiority shouldn’t be stigmatized. Emotional manipulation stems from a "loss of control," not just from feeling inferior. Even those with fulfilling lives and self-love may subconsciously manipulate others. So, we need to understand what losing control means. At its core, it's a matter of mutual trust. Therefore, instead of fearing emotional manipulation, focus on finding ways to build understanding and soothe the other person's insecurities.
Therefore, there are two types of people who emotionally manipulate others. The first is the commonly recognized type—those with insecurities, such as the weaker party in a romantic relationship. The second type is those accustomed to authority, like parents who uphold traditional societal values.
If you encounter someone who uses emotional blackmail, arguing with them is unlikely to resolve the issue. They are unlikely to empathize with you, and many family conflicts stem from these problems. Therefore, the best approach is to focus on improving your own mental well-being. If you are not dependent on them and can manage yourself well, you'll have a chance to make them realize they truly can't control you anymore. They might eventually give up on you or soften their stance, giving you your opportunity to regain control. Once you've regained control, it's up to you to decide whether to try to repair the relationship or move forward decisively.
A Practical Guide to Mastering Emotions
Having discussed so many terms related to negative energy, it all seems to ultimately point to the aforementioned "perspective"—understanding the environment, clarifying interpersonal relationships, comprehending inferiority complexes, and so on. It's about broadening one's perspective to see the emotional structure. But how exactly do you truly grasp these concepts? These ideas aren't something you can understand simply by grasping the principles. That's true! But there are steps you can take to help you grow.
1. Establish short-term goals
Is there nothing worth striving for in your life? That's why you're easily distracted by trivial matters, meaning you lack focus. Once you establish something you want to pursue, you won't have time to deal with those other things.
Goals don't have to be lofty. Getting into graduate school, landing a job at a certain company, or even just saving money to study abroad or learning to build a computer can all be goals. Gaining self-affirmation through accomplishing tasks is a good way to combat negative emotions.
2. Reflect on what you lack.
Is your English bad? Then go read it! You're too thin? Then go to the gym! You always lose money in the stock market? Then you should investigate why. When others say you're bad, if it's not something important, so what? What does it have to do with me? But if it's something you care about? Then face it and work on it! What are you still doubting?
If you can first be honest and face your own shortcomings, then other people's words will not be so sharp. So don't wait until others laugh at you before you face them, or you will feel very bad.
3. Are you earning enough? Can you earn more?
Life is about making money, and that's the most concrete goal that drives you. So if you rack your brains and still don't know what your life goal is, then make money! Whether you want to exchange your labor and time for money, or improve your competitiveness for a bigger job, just do it first, okay? You can optimize later.
4. Find someone who supports the three points mentioned above.
Try using the above mindset to gain the trust of the people you care about; their approval can provide you with unimaginable motivation.
When you complete step 4, you'll find that you seem happier. Although you'll still encounter setbacks and life won't always be smooth sailing, you seem to have more important things that make you less concerned about those negative things. If you notice this, congratulations! You've already learned to face negative emotions. The best way to deal with negative emotions isn't to force yourself to process them, nor is it to let time heal them. Instead, it's to try to understand yourself and build your personality traits. This is the first step in mastering your emotions.
