Table of Content
負能量的真相
What do you think “negative energy” is? Where does it come from? Is it from dealing with infuriating, tactless people? The frustration of being dismissed or belittled? The self-blame that comes from constantly failing at tasks? Or the feeling of inadequacy, believing you’re not good enough for others? All these experiences can lead to negative, painful emotions—these are common triggers of negative energy we encounter daily, right? But can you really distinguish negative energy? Do you truly understand where sadness or anger originates?
Maybe it’s simply because you don’t understand the reciprocal nature of relationships or the circumstances reflected by the environment as a whole, which is why you feel anger and injustice about your experiences.
What is the reciprocal nature of relationships between people? Let’s use the workplace as an example.
The reciprocal relationship between an employee and a boss is this: the boss pays the employee a salary, and the employee provides their effort in return. The balance lies in the boss offering a “corresponding” salary, while the employee delivers an “equivalent” level of work. So, when the salary doesn’t match the effort you put in, you become unhappy, right? This is the source of negative energy, and understanding this source means understanding the reciprocal nature of relationships.
What about understanding the environment? If you believe your boss cannot provide an equivalent salary, you can choose to move to a company that offers a fairer compensation. If you make this move and succeed in finding a better company, will you still feel negative energy? Perhaps not for a while—until you gain experience and start feeling exploited again. On the other hand, if you’re unable to find a better opportunity, you may either accept the situation or work even harder to improve yourself and break through the status quo.
肚量vs格局
I think everyone is tired of hearing others say, “You need to have a bigger perspective and be more tolerant,” but why should I tolerate those who put me at a disadvantage? In reality, tolerance doesn’t solve problems. Being tolerant doesn’t mean having vision; it often just means fooling yourself into thinking you’re being patient. True vision is about having a broad perspective. As in the previous example, when you can understand the larger environment and recognize your position within it, you might find it easier to adapt—or if you have enough confidence and strength in that environment, why endure it? Upgrade yourself instead.
Therefore, when you choose to waste time fighting against those who look down on you or whom you dislike, it shows that you’re focused solely on them. As a result, you’ll never realize the concept that “if I just improve myself, I can move beyond these people.”
You must understand the source of your negative emotions and recognize the role you play in your environment. Only by broadening your perspective can you see the root of the problem and address it. Wanting to fix problematic people indicates that your vision is still limited. When you elevate your level, will you still consider their words meaningful? You might simply perceive it as barking—so why be bothered by it?
重新定義自卑
Loneliness is frightening. It seems like we spend our entire lives seeking others’ approval to prove we are not alone, as if we need to show that our lives are fulfilling and perfect just to say, "Look how great I am!"
The reason people seek validation is rooted in "inferiority." However, inferiority shouldn’t be stigmatized; everyone experiences it. It’s something each person uses as a driving force to move forward, step by step.
Feeling inferior simply means you recognize your small role in the environment, reflecting your self-assessment. This suggests you understand reality, right? Not necessarily, as many people prefer to deceive themselves. Similar to the previous idea, many people spend time seeking attention and approval from insignificant others to prove they’re not inferior. But unless you’re an entertainer or influencer, why bother? The reason is simple: they can't distinguish between who matters and who doesn't. As humans, we are social beings and rely on "acceptance" to survive, which is natural. But who really needs to accept you? Only those who matter to you—perhaps your parents, close friends, partner, or even your children. These are the ones whose recognition truly fuels your motivation.
Do not underestimate those who chase their dreams; they strive to prove themselves for the approval of those who truly matter. This means they are focused, and that sense of inferiority isn’t a negative emotion but a source of strength.
Are you interested in learning about the mindset, methods, and strategies for negotiation and communication?
Further Reading :《Want to Be the King of Arguments? Principles and Mindset of Negotiation》
關於情緒勒索
Many people love to emotionally manipulate others, and it seems hard to find someone who truly offers emotional value. But it’s not that difficult; we first need to understand why we fall victim to emotional manipulation and why some people can provide emotional value. Many say that those who manipulate others emotionally do so out of inferiority. However, I must emphasize that inferiority shouldn’t be stigmatized. Emotional manipulation stems from a "loss of control," not just from feeling inferior. Even those with fulfilling lives and self-love may subconsciously manipulate others. So, we need to understand what losing control means. At its core, it's a matter of mutual trust. Therefore, instead of fearing emotional manipulation, focus on finding ways to build understanding and soothe the other person's insecurities.
Therefore, there are two types of people who emotionally manipulate others. The first is the commonly recognized type—those with insecurities, such as the weaker party in a romantic relationship. The second type is those accustomed to authority, like parents who uphold traditional societal values.
如果你遇到這種愛情緒勒索的人，跟他說辯是很難解決問題的，他們很難設身處地來為你著想，許多家庭隔閡都是來自這些問題。因此最好的方法是回到提升自我的心理素質，如果你不是個依賴對方的人，你能把自己打理得很好，才有機會讓他們意識到是真的無法掌控你了，最後可能會對你死心或是反過來示軟，這才是你奪回主控權的機會。再奪回主控權後，就由你來決定是否回去修復關係或是毅然決然向前進了。
掌握情緒的實踐指南
說了這麼多跟負能量有關的名詞，說到底似乎都直指著前面所說的「格局」，了解環境、釐清人與人之間的關係、理解自卑等等，藉由提升視野來看出情緒架構，但要真的能夠體會這些到底該怎麼做? 這些觀念並不是了解道理就能體會跟理解的。沒錯!但你有一些步驟可以幫助你成長。
1.建立短期目標
你的生活沒有值得努力的事情嗎? 所以你容易被繁瑣的事情給影響，也就是你不夠專注，建立一個你想追求的事情，你就沒時間應付那些有的沒的了。
目標不用遠大，考研究所、擠進某公司、甚至只是存錢出國、學習組一台電腦都可以是目標。藉由完成事情來獲取自我認同，是抵禦負面情緒的好方法。
2.思考你缺乏什麼
你英文不好嗎?那去讀阿! 你太瘦了，那去健身阿!你股票總虧錢，那你就該去探討為什麼。當別人說你爛，如果不是什麼很重要的事，那又怎樣，乾我什麼事; 那如果是講你在乎的呢?那就面對並去加強阿，還懷疑甚麼?
如果你能先坦承跟面對自己的不足，那別人的話也就不怎麼銳利了，所以不要等到別人來笑你，你才要面對，你心情會很差。
3.你賺得夠嗎?能不能賺更多
生活就是在賺錢，也是最具體驅動你的目標，所以如果你絞盡腦汁都不知道你的人生目標是甚麼? 那賺錢吧!不論你要用勞力與時間換取金錢，還是提升自己的競爭力去更大的職場，先做再說好嗎?以後再來優化。
4.找一個支持你以上三點的人
請嘗試用上面的思維來取得你在乎的人的信任，這些人給予的認同能提供你無法想像的動力。
當你完成第4步時，你會發現，你好像比較快樂了，雖然一樣會遭遇挫折，一樣人生會不順遂，但你好像有更重要的事情讓你不在意那些負面的事情了。如果你察覺了，恭喜你，你已經能夠面對負面情緒了，解決負面情緒最好的方法不是強迫自己去消化它，也不是靠時間去弭平，而是去嘗試了解自己且建立你的人格特質，這就是你掌握情緒的第一步。
